Lost in Translation

What am I doing? Am I going up or down, left or right? I have no idea.

How long has it been since you've been on a night cruise - on a boat?

I just did last night.

The stars were bright, and the sky was dark. I was sitting on the left side of the boat, with one elbow hanging over the window, with my head comfortably positioned on top on my arm - I'm looking forward towards the bow of the boat, then I'd pan around to take in the panoramic view of the lake and hill country - it's beautiful! Just like the moment I went swinging and felt the wind through my hair - I also felt the wind blowing through my hair at this moment, but with much greater strength, so much strength that it was drowning out most of the sounds on the boat that I didn't care to hear anyway.

There was something so serene about that moment.

My first battle was tuning out the drunkin' obnoxious noise (don't get me wrong, I had a few heiny-lite's myself) which took some time, then once the hint was taken, it was wonderful!

It seems these days I have trouble hearing much more than the sound of a pin dropping. Anything more gives me a feeling of suffocation - probably because, although I'm not saying much of anything - which makes it appear as though I'm not thinking - it sounds like a punk-rock concert in my head. It takes a lot to drown out a punk-rock concert when you're standing at the front-center of the stage.

Have you ever layed in bed - when no one is home - with an almost perfectly quiet house - but it seems louder than it did with people there?

It's like the noise of other people doing random things helps to drown out some of the thought process - and then they leave and all you can do is think and think and think and think and think...

...It gives my brain more room to think/analyze/re-analyze and so on - which makes the conversation in my head frickin' LOUD!

When I got home last night and put my drunkin' partner to bed I was putting my pj's on - thinking, "I don't know what I'm doing - and that's sad".

How do you get a piece of yourself back that you've lost? Is there a book for that? Would staying in my relationship help? Would leaving my relationship help? Would teaching overseas for a few months help? Would time alone help? Would time with people help? Would therapy help? Would getting a new job help? Would swinging on more swings or riding on more boats help?

Not sure.

Ok, I guess that was a peak into the heart, brains and body of me (at this time). I'm normally a glass-half-full type person - I'm not usually so sad sounding, but as soon as I figure out the perfect medicine to cure my ailment, I'll be back in business! 'Til then, see you on the lake! (or swings since they're easier to get to).